Oil and Water
There is nothing I can't stand more than a dry fuck. When it comes to anal sex, my motto is: USE AS MUCH LUBE AS POSSIBLE. Regardless of whether I am hitting or pitching, I know that men are not women. Or in other words, guys' asses don't get wet from foreplay. I don't care what you've been told. You won't believe how many guys have told me, "My ass gets wet when I get hot." No, your ass is not wet--that's loose fecal matter. And I think I'll take a pass.
So I always use a hefty amount of lubrication when it comes to back door action. I have every kind of lube you can think of: Elbow grease, Forplay, Astroglide, ID Millenium (a silicone based lube). But as we should all know in this era of HIV transmission, that not all lubricants should be used with latex condoms--so sayonara to Vaseline, petroleum jelly, Crisco, Elbow Grease, or mineral oil.
I remember I hooked up with a guy once for sex, and after I put the condom my dick he reached for a bottle of mineral oil and started lubing up his hole. I screamed at him, "What are you doing? You can't use that." I went on to tell him that oil based lubricants should NEVER be used with latex condoms, and that usually people use water based lubricants. With a straight face he told me, "Oh well then this is ok, because this is water based mineral oil." I put my clothes on and left immediately.
So like I said, my motto is to use a lot of lube to make entry as smooth as possible. But people who buy lube, know that all lube is not the same. My lube of choice, as is that of my best friend Dee, is ID GLIDE. Dee and I have to travel all the way to the Gay Walgreens (a national chain drugstore) in Boystown. This Walgreens has a better assortment of lube than ANY sex shop I've been too.
ID GLIDE is a thick, viscous, water based lube that I wasintroduced to when I was about 23. It is amazing. A lot of people complain that it becomes too sticky after you have "worked the middle" for a minute, but I usually just add more.
Anyway, ID GLIDE comes in a bunch of different sizes. Most sane people probably buy ID in the 10 ounze size which costs about $10. But me and Dee always buy a big bottle of lube--the 35 oz bottle, that costs about $23. I can't tell you how many people have come into my bedroom and did a double take on that bottle. But you would think that's the biggest bottle of lube available right?
No. Sitting right next to the 35 oz bottle pump on the Walgreen's shelf, is the Holy Grail of lub: a plastic cube containing 70.5 oz of lube (with an accompanying travel size bottle). That is more than HALF A GALLON. So a few days ago I bought a half gallon of lube. The Walgreen's check-out guy's eyes got wide. "That's kind of a lot huh? What are you going to do with all that?" I gave him the black man's blush, and gave him some explanation that I don't remember. He added,"And look it comes with its own little travel bottle, so you can take some with you anywhere, and with that he reached inside my coat and touched my chest, pretending he was putting an imaginary bottle into my t-shirt pocket. Dee later said, "He was flirting with you. And who could blame him? If I saw someone buying a half a gallon of lube, I would want to fuck them on general principle. Buying that much stuff, you know they have to have some kind of skill."
So I always use a hefty amount of lubrication when it comes to back door action. I have every kind of lube you can think of: Elbow grease, Forplay, Astroglide, ID Millenium (a silicone based lube). But as we should all know in this era of HIV transmission, that not all lubricants should be used with latex condoms--so sayonara to Vaseline, petroleum jelly, Crisco, Elbow Grease, or mineral oil.
I remember I hooked up with a guy once for sex, and after I put the condom my dick he reached for a bottle of mineral oil and started lubing up his hole. I screamed at him, "What are you doing? You can't use that." I went on to tell him that oil based lubricants should NEVER be used with latex condoms, and that usually people use water based lubricants. With a straight face he told me, "Oh well then this is ok, because this is water based mineral oil." I put my clothes on and left immediately.
So like I said, my motto is to use a lot of lube to make entry as smooth as possible. But people who buy lube, know that all lube is not the same. My lube of choice, as is that of my best friend Dee, is ID GLIDE. Dee and I have to travel all the way to the Gay Walgreens (a national chain drugstore) in Boystown. This Walgreens has a better assortment of lube than ANY sex shop I've been too.
ID GLIDE is a thick, viscous, water based lube that I wasintroduced to when I was about 23. It is amazing. A lot of people complain that it becomes too sticky after you have "worked the middle" for a minute, but I usually just add more.
Anyway, ID GLIDE comes in a bunch of different sizes. Most sane people probably buy ID in the 10 ounze size which costs about $10. But me and Dee always buy a big bottle of lube--the 35 oz bottle, that costs about $23. I can't tell you how many people have come into my bedroom and did a double take on that bottle. But you would think that's the biggest bottle of lube available right?
No. Sitting right next to the 35 oz bottle pump on the Walgreen's shelf, is the Holy Grail of lub: a plastic cube containing 70.5 oz of lube (with an accompanying travel size bottle). That is more than HALF A GALLON. So a few days ago I bought a half gallon of lube. The Walgreen's check-out guy's eyes got wide. "That's kind of a lot huh? What are you going to do with all that?" I gave him the black man's blush, and gave him some explanation that I don't remember. He added,"And look it comes with its own little travel bottle, so you can take some with you anywhere, and with that he reached inside my coat and touched my chest, pretending he was putting an imaginary bottle into my t-shirt pocket. Dee later said, "He was flirting with you. And who could blame him? If I saw someone buying a half a gallon of lube, I would want to fuck them on general principle. Buying that much stuff, you know they have to have some kind of skill."
posted by Bernard Bradshaw at Thursday, December 16, 2004
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