Eye Got Served?
About a year ago my best friend DEE got me a gift subscription to INSTINCT magazine--you know, one of those gay magazines that rarely has a person of color on the cover (or in the magazine). The last black guy who graced their cover had grey eyes. Surprise, surprise.
Anyway, I was thumbing through the December 2004 issue and came across a feature called the "Male Grooming Awards" where a panel of gay judges test & award male grooming products. They gave awards for best aftershave, shampoo, body wash, and last but not least eye creams and gels. Yes, I although I hate to admit it in my blog, I Bernard Bradshaw suffer from occassional dark circles around the eyes.
INSTINCT gave the award for Best Eye Gel to MaleFace spEYE Rejuvinating Eye Gel. At first I thought--maybe I should go online and order some of this stuff. But the idea that a white gay mag could tell me anything about my face or how to remove my "black man's" dark circles (yeah, I am crazy) kept me from making a purchase.
But I was encouraged again as I read a little closer. One of the guys that reviewed spEYE was Emil Wilbekin--former Editor in Chief of Vibe magazine. Emil wrote, "This under eye-cream made me look like young and rested like an Abercrombie and Fitch model--if they had African-American ones." A brotha's endorsement with a sprinkle of racially conscious criticism? I was sold.
So I got online and ordered me up a serving of spEYE. At $24.50 a pop I almost reconsidered. But I kept thinking, Emil wouldn't lie. And visions of my eyes looking like they did when I was a high school 16 year old as I gave coquettish glances to Anthony, that tall boy I had 7th period study room with, who used to reach under the study desks and grab my...
Sorry. Got carried away.
But you get the point. My desire for the past overcame my love for my present. My present cash. So I ordered it. And last Friday it arrived in the mail. I was giddy as a schoolcliché. I ran upstairs and washed my face, looked in the mirror and said goodbye dark circles. I smoothed on the spEYE and waited. I kept running back and forth to the mirror--sometimes I thought it was working (and sometimes I thought I looked worse). On the phone, FRIEND told me, "Stop looking in the mirror, it probably takes a few applications before it works."
But I knew better. INSTINCT said that they picked the gel because "upon application we wanted to see fine lines disapeer [sic] and dark circles diminish." Upon application? Didn't happen! I was starting to feel like Elgin (played by Marques Houston) in the middle of You Got Served (yeah I watched it) when a competing team cheated and stole his team's dance moves allowing costing him $5000. When Elgin screamed that they cheated one of the white boys said, "You just mad 'cause, You Got Served!"
Did I get served by INSTINCT magazine? I think so. Therefore I give a rousing "Fuck You" to the boys over at IN STINK.
And as for you Mr. Emil Wilbekin. I am gonna give you the benefit of the doubt--but when we meet, you owe me dinner.
Anyway, I was thumbing through the December 2004 issue and came across a feature called the "Male Grooming Awards" where a panel of gay judges test & award male grooming products. They gave awards for best aftershave, shampoo, body wash, and last but not least eye creams and gels. Yes, I although I hate to admit it in my blog, I Bernard Bradshaw suffer from occassional dark circles around the eyes.
INSTINCT gave the award for Best Eye Gel to MaleFace spEYE Rejuvinating Eye Gel. At first I thought--maybe I should go online and order some of this stuff. But the idea that a white gay mag could tell me anything about my face or how to remove my "black man's" dark circles (yeah, I am crazy) kept me from making a purchase.
But I was encouraged again as I read a little closer. One of the guys that reviewed spEYE was Emil Wilbekin--former Editor in Chief of Vibe magazine. Emil wrote, "This under eye-cream made me look like young and rested like an Abercrombie and Fitch model--if they had African-American ones." A brotha's endorsement with a sprinkle of racially conscious criticism? I was sold.
So I got online and ordered me up a serving of spEYE. At $24.50 a pop I almost reconsidered. But I kept thinking, Emil wouldn't lie. And visions of my eyes looking like they did when I was a high school 16 year old as I gave coquettish glances to Anthony, that tall boy I had 7th period study room with, who used to reach under the study desks and grab my...
Sorry. Got carried away.
But you get the point. My desire for the past overcame my love for my present. My present cash. So I ordered it. And last Friday it arrived in the mail. I was giddy as a schoolcliché. I ran upstairs and washed my face, looked in the mirror and said goodbye dark circles. I smoothed on the spEYE and waited. I kept running back and forth to the mirror--sometimes I thought it was working (and sometimes I thought I looked worse). On the phone, FRIEND told me, "Stop looking in the mirror, it probably takes a few applications before it works."
But I knew better. INSTINCT said that they picked the gel because "upon application we wanted to see fine lines disapeer [sic] and dark circles diminish." Upon application? Didn't happen! I was starting to feel like Elgin (played by Marques Houston) in the middle of You Got Served (yeah I watched it) when a competing team cheated and stole his team's dance moves allowing costing him $5000. When Elgin screamed that they cheated one of the white boys said, "You just mad 'cause, You Got Served!"
Did I get served by INSTINCT magazine? I think so. Therefore I give a rousing "Fuck You" to the boys over at IN STINK.
And as for you Mr. Emil Wilbekin. I am gonna give you the benefit of the doubt--but when we meet, you owe me dinner.
posted by Bernard Bradshaw at Monday, January 17, 2005
3 Comments:
I've got three quotes for you B,
1. Hoy-day! What a sweep of vanity comes this way!
William Shakespeare,The Life of Timon of Athens
2. The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
Henri Bergson
3. Never "just run out for a few minutes" without looking your best. This is not vanity -- it's self-liking. Your face is always on display.
Estee Lauder
Most people go with #3 but #2 is probably best applied here.
I am literally LOL. I was drinking some tea, but your column made me laugh so hard that I spit it out. So while a new cup boils, I will respond to ya.
This is fabulous. I love your blog, and am glad we started talking.
FYI, Emil likes white and Puerto Rican boys. FYI.
(HeeHee, In Stink and Eye Got Served)
Rod
Brotha2Brotha
It's all good. It doesn't hurt to try. You shared with the rest of the blogger that won't buy in stink.
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