Sword Fighting and Coochie Bumping

Like most cities, Chicago is a city filled with bottoms (a guy that prefers to get fucked; the pentratee; the one who serves ass to the dick). It seems like you can't swing a dick without it hitting five or six of them. I have been reading a few blog posts lately (like the Cement Brunette "New Year's Post", Charles Stephens "Fetishes", and last but not least the lovely LoveHater, "Tops/bottoms are evil") that have mentioned, at least in passing, the tensions--that exist between tops (a guy that prefers to fuck; the penetrator; the one who serves dick to the ass) and bottoms. I have also been having conversations with friends that openly display outright animosity to bottoms--almost like they were the scum of the earth. Surprisingly, these friends were predominately bottoms themselves.

I'll admit, when I get on the phone chat line, or on the Internet--and I am looking for sex--one of the first things that I want to know is what you get into sexually. I ask the age-old question--Are you a top or a bottom? It's amazing the responses I get:

"Why you need to know that?"
"I don't get into roles."
"Uhm, I get into everything...but I just don't like to get fucked."
"Dude, I'm just a freak."

Are guys ashamed of admitting what they like to get into sexually? I am not someone who thinks that men must label themselves. The LoveHater has an interesting post on this--that the top/bottom label is evil. A lot of people seem to agree with him.

But what they call evil, I call efficient. Sometimes I have a specific sex act that I want to perform, and I don't have all day trying to figure out what a kat means when he vaguely terms himself a "freak". That lack of clarity can lead to an awkward situation. Two brothers trying to "sword fight" (2 tops) or "bump coochies" (2 bottoms) really ain't cute. Fellas, just be upfront and say what you feel like getting into!

But I don't really believe guys that say they don't like using categories. If the top/bottom label wasn't that big a deal--why would it matter what labels are used? And why do we see such hateration on the brothers who claim they are a top, but are "asses up in behind closed doors?" I am sick of hearing the TIRED cliché about the guy who claims he's a bad ass top and as soon as he gets behind closed doors and, SNAP CRACKLE POP!--he's turned into a big bottom.

Why do people feel so good telling that tale? They are the people criticizing the labels--but then they make fun of a guy who--at least by action--is not conforming to a label. And then what do we do? Criticize him for NOT being a top! Does his act of switching make him lower, or somehow less of a man?

I don't EVER hear anyone telling the OTHER story. No one ever tells the joke:
I'm sick of those brothas that say they are bottoms one minute, but be whipping their dicks out and fucking a brutha down the next.

Truly this situation must happen, if all of the "tops" are switchiing and putting their feet to the ceiling, no? Why don't we make fun of these "bottoms-turned-to-tops"? Why aren't they (at the risk of a pun) the butt of our jokes?" Think about it. Why don't we joke about it? Why don't we ridicule the bottom who turns into a top? Because it's not funny. Because deep down inside, we think it's funny seeing a man put his ass in the air, or his feet to the ceiling. Why?

Is it because we secretly despise men who enjoy getting fucked? Recently, the blackgayblogger was conversing with a guy on the Internet and told him that he had just saw August Wilson's "Gem of the Ocean" on a recent visit to NY. The guy responded, "Broadway. Spoken like a true bottom." When did being a bottom become the gay scarlett letter? It's no wonder in this picky critical ass lifestyle that everybody says they are a top. We are some muthafuckas!

Is it because we are jealous or angry? Could brothas be jealous because a bottom admits enjoying dick in his ass--and as a result--the bottom experiences pleasure that many guys secretly wish they could experience? Or could the anger directed at those "tops-turned-to-bottoms" be because the supposed "top" got his ass in the air before you did? Think about it. In order for you to know that a top "transformed into bottom" you had to be a bottom who wanted to get dicked by that top. So isn't your hate just sour grapes? You just moved too slow and got beat to the punch, so to speak.

Or is it because we are scared of bottoms? Regularly, I have heard men on the chat lines speakin of "thirsty ass greedy bottom niggas." I think that we are so hard on bottoms because we FEAR them. Just as straight men fear uncontrolled female sexuality (i.e. the nympho who can't get enough and the man who can't keep up), gay men also fear the male bottom. Which may be why we criticize bottoms who can take dick well. I am sure you have heard: "That makes no sense you taking all that dick." Or if a bottom can take a big dick: "He must be a ho."

We fear the bottom, because on some level, I think we know that a true bottom can surround, envelope, and swallow up the traditional notion of the masculine gay man (a top). A bottom is able to be pushed to the limit having a dick all up in his guts, and enjoys himself and is able to have an orgasm at the same time.

Sometimes we can fuck that bottom hard--and he doesn't flinch (which can be a real blow to the "masculine" top ego). And who doesn't look for the flinch? That flinch is the confirmation that the top is "doing-the-damn-thing." When the bottom doesn't flinch, what does that say about the top? Is he fucking hard enough? Is his dick big enough? Is he man enough? But ít seems we've learned the lesson well. If we can't make the bottom flench with our dick, we can hate on him with our tongue.

We fear bottoms because we can look to the bottom and see our own masculinity (or lack of it) reflected. Sometimes we don't like what we see.