Rule of Mutual Attraction

In yesterday's post on COMMON I made a mistake--that post is taking place THIS YEAR--in 2005, as we speak. My posts on COMMON are not flashbacks.

As I wrote yesterday, I think I figured out one of the secrets of the Universe. Present experiences seem to re-affirm my new realization. When I last wrote, I was walking home after this insane make-out session with COMMON. I had—for the first time in ages—intentionally avoided having sex with a man who I was highly sexually attracted to and was clearly ready to do the damn thing. But as I left his apartment in the drizzle, I wasn’t feeling too confident that he was going to call me.

I went home and called FRIEND, and told him about the encounter. He didn’t seem upset or phased by it at all. But that’s FRIEND—cool and collected. I got off the phone with him and settled into my comfortable bed, and had a short little dream replaying my kissing frenzy with COMMON.

Monday was hard. I thought about COMMON all day long. John Legend’s Ordinary People kept playing in my head, and every time I heard him say “take it slow,” I flashed back to Sunday night. During a job meeting, I had problems staying focused because my mind kept making me remember the smell of his shirt and the taste of his lips. That anxious feeling of anticipation was swimming in my stomach. I hadn’t felt like this in years.

But Monday night came. And COMMON never called. I was in what Anne Shirley would’ve called, “the depths of despair.” (yes, Anne Shirley, yeah I know that was a bit gay, but fuck it, that’s me). And I started re-evaluating everything that I thought I had learned in life.

I had made a conscious decision not to have sex with him. Maybe I thought he would like me or respect me for if I “held out.” Was I starting to play that heterosexist game of “holding out” in order to get what I want? I was getting angry with myself. I hate it when gay men play hard to get—or as I like to call it, “act like ladies” because they think that sex will scare a guy off or give them a wrong impression. I feel that relations between two men should be different and devoid of that shit. But here I was—playing the hold out game better than anyone.

Not getting a call from COMMON confirmed my recent thoughts regarding one of the relationship secrets of the universe. The RULE OF MUTUAL ATTRACTION states:

• You never like the people who really are into you.

• The people that you like a lot rarely share your level of interest.

• While there are exceptions, the above two situations are the norm in life. Suck it up and deal.
  

I looked back on my entire adult dating life—and with few exceptions—the level of mutual interest was rarely equal with anyone I had ever encountered over the past ten years. Someone always liked the other person a lot more. I’d meet a guy who I thought was the perfect kat, and he didn’t want to get into a relationship. Or some guy would meet me on the first date and ask, “Why are you single?” as I would think to myself, “Do we really need to talk about relationships, I just want to fuck you.”

I had to deal with the fact that COMMON wasn’t that into me. While I was down and disappointed, I knew that the next day would be a little brighter. I knew that tomorrow I would think a little bit less about COMMON and get back to feeling like my old non-cheesy romantic self.

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The next day, Tuesday, was hectic. Busy as a bee at work. I got home around 6PM and checked e-mail and I was exhausted. There was an e-note from HAZELNUT--a guy wanting to hook up and meet me—a dark skinned brother with hazel eyes—kinda scary, but he was in decent shape and wrote a witty e-mail, so I thought since the brother had brains, I would call him and see what he was about. We chatted. And would you believe, like COMMON, he too was another boy next door. Where was my luck coming from? To meet two guys, in as many days, who are within walking distance of my front door? I must have been good recently.

HAZELNUT and I didn’t talk too long. But arranged to meet the next day and check each other out. It seemed that my brief infatuation with COMMON was already over. I was back to my old self.

That is, until COMMON called me.

Hey man, how are you doing? Sorry I didn’t call you yesterday, but I was tired as hell. I drank too much Sunday night and it kicked my ass all day Monday.

I must admit, I was happy to get the call. We chatted and I got the greenlight to come over to his place. I was there within the hour.

He was still cute. But this time when I walked into the apartment I could smell freshly smoked marijuana. He was in his pajamas again, sipping on some fruity alcoholic beverage. The VH1 show “The Fabulous Life of…” was on—and it was getting on my nerves. Things seemed different somehow. He was low energy and kinda into the television. There was very little conversation. I wanted to go back home. But he sensed this and invited me to sit next to him. And then we went at it.

It was like a Sunday night repeat. But this time my shirt was coming off. We kissed and licked and moved upstairs to the bedroom (he has a two floor apartment). We were both rock hard. I bit all over his neck and talked so much shit to him I had him cooing and oooing and awing. He was in ecstasy. But he looked troubled.

I asked him what was wrong. He went on to tell me how great everything felt. But he wondered what was going to happen after we had sex. He told me,

I mean what if I like it, and want to keep doing it again. Or just hang with you. I’m not saying BE MY BOYFRIEND. But, I’m just thinking about the weirdness that sometimes comes after sex…that’s just what’s on my mind.

Funny. The same things that were on my mind. I wasn’t sure what I wanted with this guy, but I know I just didn’t want to fuck and forget. I wanted to have a good time—something filled with passion and intimacy—and some good sex to go with it. But what more? Who could know.

There were already a few things I wasn’t feeling about him—the marijuana and the alcohol. But I am just here to vibe with him right? Not judge him.

We made out and rubbed and bumped and grinded on each other for the next few hours--but both agreed not to have sex, though at times it got close. We talked about all sorts of things, sexual and non-sexual. We talked about restaurants we liked, the wild things we would do in public, the importance of affection, and the desire to share--bodies, beds, and life. It was a great evening laying up with him, and amazingly, his bed was almost as comfortable as mine. He wanted me to sleep over, and while I wanted to, I decided against it—I had work to do at home.

I finally went home. A lot more confident that COMMON would be calling me in the future, but a little more apprehensive about what I wanted to do with him in the future. Maybe adding more evidence that the rule of mutual attraction was true…