Sex Party Exposé: Secret Identity Revealed!

Happy New Year 2005!
I am still recovering from all the fun and drink I had at the BLATINO NEW YEAR'S EVE SEX PARTY BANG.

Yeah right. My party was a flop. But I learned two UNEXPECTED truths for the evening.

When I last blogged, it was 45 minutes before 2005, and one person had showed up to my party. Mind you, the invite stated that the party started at 10pm and that everyone should make a point of showing up no later than 12:30am. I had a total of 15 people who RSVP'd and said they were coming.

14 people lied. FRIEND and I decorated my apartment, had a refigerator full of beer (Heineken and Corona), and Subway sandwiches, candy (yeah the good shit, like Snickers), pop (ok, I'm from Chicago--soda or Coke, depending on your regional origin) and chips and popcorn. Candles lined up the place to create a sensuous mood, and FRIEND even had a laser show on one of my empty walls that looked something like a moving picture without a frame. Simply put--the place looked off the chain.

So no one really showed up after all of that effort. I have to say that I was surprised as much work as I had put into it. It was unexpected. It was the first of my two revelations for the evening. Guys will do or say anything in order to get on a guest list and get the address to a party that they really have no intentions on attending. Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised by this. But I am. It was annoying.

Question: What is worse than NO ONE coming to your New Year's Eve Orgy?
Answer: Having ONLY ONE person come to your orgy. And you aren't sexually attracted to him.

Yes, it makes for a long evening. At 10:30pm the doorbell rang, and I went downstairs to answer it. It was a 25 yo guy named SHEMAR. Now this guy is very atractive in the face. His skin is like a coffee gelato-brown and smooth (Aside: Don't get used to me describing guys this way. I really despise the E. Lynn Harris skin color/food similes). And his hair was in short twists. He is massive. But not in an altogether good, or completely adequate fashion. He is 6 foot 6 (sexy), but probably weighs 250 easy (not so sexy). He has a firm thick dick that gets hard (sexy), but its short and stubby (not sexy). He has man-titties, and his body was in rounded segments, kinda like a snowman. But instead of the three rounds of a snowman (head, middle, bottom), he had like 4.5: head, titties (0.5), stomach, hips and bottom. Did I mention his tits had nipple rings? Not sexy.

Ok, so I am sounding cruel. Actually SHEMAR is a great guy, very nice and sociable. The weird thing is that I met SHEMAR about 4 years ago when he tried real hard to get in my pants. It just wasn't happening. He was 21 (and not as massive) and insisted on fucking me. I couldn't get into it for a number of reasons, not the least of which is I don't do backdoor stub love. (Ok, that was mean.)

I would have rather just spent the evening toasting it up with FRIEND (who wasn't that into SHEMAR either). I snuck FRIEND into my bedroom at midnight and we had a one-minute toast of Martinelli's--this shit is the B-O-M-B. My taste buds were blowing up.

SHEMAR was patient, but finally leftat about 2:30am. And then FRIEND and I started eating and drinking and passed out on the floor.

At 4:30am my buzzer rang. I was in disbelief. Someone was actually strolling by my apartment at this hour to come to the sex party--when I told guys not to try to get in after a certain time. I hesitantly spoke into my intercom,

"Who is it?"
The guy downstairs said, "This is Alex"
"What's your e-mail address?" I asked.
He said, "AlexanderFine"

Instant erection.
My mouth got wet. My heart started beating fast. "Be right down." I said after a pause.

FRIEND asked, "Who is that?"

I told him that AlexanderFine was a guy that I had seen online for years but who never ever gave me anyplay. And from his stats and pictures, he looked and sounded like a rock hard dick-you-down-all-night porn star. This is how he describes himself:

30, 6'2, (1.88m), 198lb (90kg), 34w, Average Build, Black Hair, Smooth, Black Guy
AM ONE OF THE MOST READY BROTHA YOU WILL EVER GET TO KNOW !!YEA, I DO ALL THAT SHIT PLAY BALL, RIDE MOTORCYCLES, FUCK THOSE LADIES AND EAT THAT OH PUSSY, BUT DAWG THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A TIGHT ASS OF A NIGGA , THAT SHIT THE ONE WHEN I GOT A FLY ASS BROTHA JOCKEYING MY DICK !! PUTTING ALL 10.5 OF THIS ROCK HARD
MEAT DOWN THERE THROAT .. THEN TURNING THAT ASS SWEET AROUND SO I CAN TASTE IT !!! I CAN EAT THE HELL OUT OF A CLEAN ASS DAWG.

Through the years I had sent him a few e-mails expressing interest in meeting him, but he never responded. Since I have pride, I've never persisted. But when he sent the invitation request to my "sex party"email account (not my personal one) I thought I would finally have a chance to meet him (or at least see him in action).

And now, there he was. On my intercom system. Downstairs in my lobby. Waiting for me to let him in. I got nervous. What was I going to tell him? My fantasy was downstairs waiting to come up to a sex party that never kicked off.

When I got downstairs to my lobby, I experienced the night's second revelation. There were two guys (the invite clearly stated not to bring friends unless you told me in advance). Neither of them looked like the picture in AlexanderFine's profile. One guy, who was in front, was about 6 feet, with a hideous face and dark ashy skin and thin lips. He kinda looked like Skeletor. The other guy was tall as well, and wasn't hard on the eyes. They smelled of alcohol and had obviously been getting their party on.

I said to SKELETOR, "So you're AlexanderFine?"
"Yeah, is the party still going on?" he asked.
"Yep." I told him.
His friend jumped in, "So we can't come up?"
"No. I madeir clear in the invitation that the doors locked at 12:30am"

Like SHEMAR, I had met SKELETOR once before. We didn't have sex but I had occasion to see his dick. And if he had 10.5 inches of dick, then he needs to take off the cloak of invisibility that's concealing the last 6 inches.

When I told them they couldn't come up, SKELETOR looked like he was ready to kick my ass. He mumbled and turned around and left. Gingerly, I said "Happy New Year." And hopped back on the elevator and went to tell FRIEND what happened.

It wasn't such a bad night afterall. It brought further evidence to my theory that guys that blow themselves up on the Internet and try to sound like the bomb are usually just duds. I found out that AlexanderFine was a fake and I was there to see him rebuffed.

Yeah it's petty. But it brought a smile to my face.