Early Morning Ass
I am not one of those people who is Mr. Sunshine in the ante meridian. Not only does breath smell like ass in the morning, but I feel like ass. That must be why DJ decided to call me at 4am in the morning wanting my ass.
DJ is this guy who I had sex with over the summer. We've only spoken a few times, so I am not sure why he thought it was acceptable to call me at such a crazy hour. He swears he is bisexual and on the DL. But if he really does have a girlfriend, I cannot understand why she wouldn't suspect that he fucks around--because you can tell (at least I can) that he fucks around with guys based on his mannerisms. Not effeminate--but a soft voice. He's not bad looking. He's short, brown skin, good shape, and has a nice straight long pipe. Not too big, not too small. And definitely not the 9 inches that he thinks he has. Or should I say that every black man thinks he has. That's another post.
Anyway this joker called me up saying, "What are you doing up?"
What kind of stupid ass question is that? I resisted dissecting the ignorance of his question. He told me that he was horny, but that I lived too far for him to travel.
Ok, then why the fuck are you calling me?
Just for reference, DJ lives about a ten minute drive from me.
We chatted. The idea of getting a late night/early morning phone call always gets me horny (even if I wasn't horny already). Couple that with the fact that I haven't come in like a week (not since I vamped CHRIS) and I was ready to go.
But DJ was andaruh-ing (and, uh, ra, uh)
You know that sound you make when someone asks you a question like: "So are you coming over?" And you respond, "And uh ra, uh I uh don't know, and uh I'm not sure" When you know you're not bringing your ass out of the house.
So I could tell he was not serious. After waking up my early morning ass, he was quickly turning into an early morning asshole. So right before I wrapped up the conversation so I could get some sleep, he starts talking about how much he fantasizes about three-ways and how he would like to get involved one. He goes on to tell me that if I can arrange a three-way he would come over ASAP. So I pop on the phone with FRIEND (see who's who) and he was ready to come over immediately.
But after going through all of that--a lightbulb went off in my head. I thought to myself, this guy woke me up, and now I am doing work for him? What ever happened to the late night booty call when a kat called you up with minimal conversation he was on his way over to fuck? Instead, I was letting this guy get me sexually frustrated and then jump through hoops in order to make his sexual fantasy come true--at 4 o'clock in the morning!!! When did dick and ass become so complicated? so labor intensive?
When I thought about it from this perspective, I thought "Oh hell no." I told him that the three-way would have to wait for a more respectable hour when it fit my schedule.
DJ is this guy who I had sex with over the summer. We've only spoken a few times, so I am not sure why he thought it was acceptable to call me at such a crazy hour. He swears he is bisexual and on the DL. But if he really does have a girlfriend, I cannot understand why she wouldn't suspect that he fucks around--because you can tell (at least I can) that he fucks around with guys based on his mannerisms. Not effeminate--but a soft voice. He's not bad looking. He's short, brown skin, good shape, and has a nice straight long pipe. Not too big, not too small. And definitely not the 9 inches that he thinks he has. Or should I say that every black man thinks he has. That's another post.
Anyway this joker called me up saying, "What are you doing up?"
What kind of stupid ass question is that? I resisted dissecting the ignorance of his question. He told me that he was horny, but that I lived too far for him to travel.
Ok, then why the fuck are you calling me?
Just for reference, DJ lives about a ten minute drive from me.
We chatted. The idea of getting a late night/early morning phone call always gets me horny (even if I wasn't horny already). Couple that with the fact that I haven't come in like a week (not since I vamped CHRIS) and I was ready to go.
But DJ was andaruh-ing (and, uh, ra, uh)
You know that sound you make when someone asks you a question like: "So are you coming over?" And you respond, "And uh ra, uh I uh don't know, and uh I'm not sure" When you know you're not bringing your ass out of the house.
So I could tell he was not serious. After waking up my early morning ass, he was quickly turning into an early morning asshole. So right before I wrapped up the conversation so I could get some sleep, he starts talking about how much he fantasizes about three-ways and how he would like to get involved one. He goes on to tell me that if I can arrange a three-way he would come over ASAP. So I pop on the phone with FRIEND (see who's who) and he was ready to come over immediately.
But after going through all of that--a lightbulb went off in my head. I thought to myself, this guy woke me up, and now I am doing work for him? What ever happened to the late night booty call when a kat called you up with minimal conversation he was on his way over to fuck? Instead, I was letting this guy get me sexually frustrated and then jump through hoops in order to make his sexual fantasy come true--at 4 o'clock in the morning!!! When did dick and ass become so complicated? so labor intensive?
When I thought about it from this perspective, I thought "Oh hell no." I told him that the three-way would have to wait for a more respectable hour when it fit my schedule.
posted by Bernard Bradshaw at Thursday, December 30, 2004
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