The Story of the Christmas Goose
Christmas this year has been pretty low key. No stuffing, no cranberry sauce, no turkey, and no duck. But while I didn't get any food, my best friend, DEE (who is currently visiting Germany) did have Christmas goose, but I'll get to that in a minute.
As for me, I exchanged gifts with my close close intimate guy, who I'll call FRIEND. I haven't spoken much about him, but he's a special person in my life, and as I reveal more about FRIEND, it will shake the hinges off of everything you've come to know in SEX AND THE SECOND CITY. But that's for a later post. All you have to know is that FRIEND is a very attractive guy here in Chicago, who is a very special person in my life.
My best friend, DEE, called me this afternoon from Germany. He and his german boyfriend (ALBERTO) are spending the holidays with ALBERTO's family (parents and siblings) and friends. The family is like an über-Brady Bunch. On Christmas Eve, one of the brothers got on the piano and everyone started singing German Christmas carols. One of the other brothers started reading Christmas stories to the children. All of this culminated in the entire german family, and my chocolate best friend gathering around the Christmas tree and opening presents for the next hour. DEE's Christmas present was a side trip to the awesome city of Berlin. He didn't seem too excited about it, even though I tried to get him excited. Berlin is HOT.
While I love DEE, I have to say that he one of the cheapest people that I know. He and ALBERTO went to a gay club with some german friends. In Germany, unlike in the US there are no service people running around the club picking up used beer bottles and drink glasses after people have discarded them. Instead, when you buy a drink, you are charged a 50 cent (in Euros) deposit. If you return the bottle or glass, you get your deposit back. DEE hates clubs, because--like me--he doesn't drink or smoke. So to pass the time (and to make some money), he went around the club collecting bottles and glasses in order to collect the deposits. All in all he made about 12 euros. One of ALBERTO's friends looked at DEE and told him in broken english, "I don't speak lot of English, but I know enough to say, 'I am not with you.'" And with that he walked away.
DEE and ALBERTO have been having a few problems lately. Part of it comes from DEE wondering whether AL is "the one". As with most relationships, problems usually manifest in the bedroom. DEE has started to prefer masturbating to fucking AL. On Christmas morning DEE woke up and started fucking AL for about 30 minutes before DEE started masturbating.
Pissed off, AL complained, "You've only fucked me for 10 minutes and you're already masturbating?"
DEE came back, "No, I've fucked you for a half hour, but maybe you only felt me in your ass for 10 minutes."
"What's that supposed to mean?" AL responded.
DEE touched AL's ass and said, "Loosey Goosey."
AL walked out.
I couldn't believe DEE told me that he called his boyfriend's ass a loose Christmas Goose. "So I guess he's right not to be speaking to me now?" he asked me. I told him that if anyone who ever said he cared about me told me something like that in such a mean fashion, I probably wouldn't be with him anymore. It's just a sign of respect.
I have heard a lot of top (a top is usually the penetrator in anal same-sex encounters) guys say, "I fucked that guy and he didn't have any walls." Meaning, he fucked a guy and no matter how hard he banged, that bottom took that dick without flinching. Some tops need to own up to the fact that their dicks aren't as big (or as hard) as they would like to think they are. Others need to realize that there are just some bottoms out there that have had some big dicks in their asses. But I realize that some tops really get off on saying that a bottom is "loose" or "open" when they can't make a guy flinch when they fuck him. So much of it is tied to ego. And the thought of a bottom surrounding a top and taking it like a pro I bet intimidates a lot of tops. I know deep down it intimidates me. I think more guys that fuck should be a little more upfront about how they feel before they go and call a guy a "loose ass".
I mean, I understand EVERY guy wants to fuck an ass that has a little grip. Lord knows I enjoy one. But "loosey goosey"? Damn , that was cold.
As for me, I exchanged gifts with my close close intimate guy, who I'll call FRIEND. I haven't spoken much about him, but he's a special person in my life, and as I reveal more about FRIEND, it will shake the hinges off of everything you've come to know in SEX AND THE SECOND CITY. But that's for a later post. All you have to know is that FRIEND is a very attractive guy here in Chicago, who is a very special person in my life.
My best friend, DEE, called me this afternoon from Germany. He and his german boyfriend (ALBERTO) are spending the holidays with ALBERTO's family (parents and siblings) and friends. The family is like an über-Brady Bunch. On Christmas Eve, one of the brothers got on the piano and everyone started singing German Christmas carols. One of the other brothers started reading Christmas stories to the children. All of this culminated in the entire german family, and my chocolate best friend gathering around the Christmas tree and opening presents for the next hour. DEE's Christmas present was a side trip to the awesome city of Berlin. He didn't seem too excited about it, even though I tried to get him excited. Berlin is HOT.
While I love DEE, I have to say that he one of the cheapest people that I know. He and ALBERTO went to a gay club with some german friends. In Germany, unlike in the US there are no service people running around the club picking up used beer bottles and drink glasses after people have discarded them. Instead, when you buy a drink, you are charged a 50 cent (in Euros) deposit. If you return the bottle or glass, you get your deposit back. DEE hates clubs, because--like me--he doesn't drink or smoke. So to pass the time (and to make some money), he went around the club collecting bottles and glasses in order to collect the deposits. All in all he made about 12 euros. One of ALBERTO's friends looked at DEE and told him in broken english, "I don't speak lot of English, but I know enough to say, 'I am not with you.'" And with that he walked away.
DEE and ALBERTO have been having a few problems lately. Part of it comes from DEE wondering whether AL is "the one". As with most relationships, problems usually manifest in the bedroom. DEE has started to prefer masturbating to fucking AL. On Christmas morning DEE woke up and started fucking AL for about 30 minutes before DEE started masturbating.
Pissed off, AL complained, "You've only fucked me for 10 minutes and you're already masturbating?"
DEE came back, "No, I've fucked you for a half hour, but maybe you only felt me in your ass for 10 minutes."
"What's that supposed to mean?" AL responded.
DEE touched AL's ass and said, "Loosey Goosey."
AL walked out.
I couldn't believe DEE told me that he called his boyfriend's ass a loose Christmas Goose. "So I guess he's right not to be speaking to me now?" he asked me. I told him that if anyone who ever said he cared about me told me something like that in such a mean fashion, I probably wouldn't be with him anymore. It's just a sign of respect.
I have heard a lot of top (a top is usually the penetrator in anal same-sex encounters) guys say, "I fucked that guy and he didn't have any walls." Meaning, he fucked a guy and no matter how hard he banged, that bottom took that dick without flinching. Some tops need to own up to the fact that their dicks aren't as big (or as hard) as they would like to think they are. Others need to realize that there are just some bottoms out there that have had some big dicks in their asses. But I realize that some tops really get off on saying that a bottom is "loose" or "open" when they can't make a guy flinch when they fuck him. So much of it is tied to ego. And the thought of a bottom surrounding a top and taking it like a pro I bet intimidates a lot of tops. I know deep down it intimidates me. I think more guys that fuck should be a little more upfront about how they feel before they go and call a guy a "loose ass".
I mean, I understand EVERY guy wants to fuck an ass that has a little grip. Lord knows I enjoy one. But "loosey goosey"? Damn , that was cold.
posted by Bernard Bradshaw at Saturday, December 25, 2004
1 Comments:
Loosey goosey...oh Lord.
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