Cheesy Romance

Before you all think I am a cold heartless sex-obsessed bitch, I wanted to let you know that "the sex" does have a softer side. My goal in life is not simply to find men for sex and discard them. Dating and relationships are great, but I believe you should always: ENTER WITH CAUTION.

Honestly, I hate sap. I really don't like guys who, when asked what they like to do, say: "I like to take romantic walks on the beach." or "I like candlelit dinners." For real? What romance novel have you been reading? But for all of you who think that Bernard Bradshaw is the grinch that stole romance, keep reading:

One of the last dates I went on was in the spring of 2001—with BLACKMAN. BLACKMAN is a sexy attractive brotha with a nice deep telephone voice. We met via the Internet on BLACKPLANET, and after seeing one another’s pictures and having a few great phone conversations, we decided to meet for dinner on his next night off—a Wednesday evening.

For the first time in a long time I felt butterflies. The anticipation of meeting someone you have an actual in. In the days leading up to our date he seemed a little indecisive. Instead of getting upset, I chalked it up to nervous energy and took charge and told him where and when to meet me. But then he told me that he wanted to reschedule because he lost his wallet and didn’t have any money. I told him that didn’t matter, and since I chose the restaurant, it would be my treat.

I decided to meet him at a separate location from the restaurant. I wanted an opportunity to say “No thanks” before sitting down for a meal with him—just in case the picture and the man before me were drastically different. I arrived at our rendezvous spot at 9pm—right on time—at the northwest corner of Belmont and Halsted. It is the corner of SPIN (800 W. Belmont), a cute gay bar with a mixed crowd on the southern end of BOYSTOWN.


BLACKMAN was a little late, but when he finally arrived I was pleasantly surprised. He looked much better in person than in his picture. He was 6'3", 210lbs (he lied and said he weighed 190 on the phone). He was a nice big firm cuddly guy, clean shaven, except for a nice moustache. And did I mention he had nice lips?

We extended hands for a handshake, and his large warm hands engulfed mine. He had a huge smile on his face. He liked what he saw. I could tell, cause he immediately turned the handshake into a full hug. And we stood on the street corner and stared at each other for a moment, speechless.

I teased him for being late and we ran off to one of my favorite Thai food restaurants JOY'S NOODLES & RICE (3257 N. Broadway). While it may sound a bit cliché, we had a joyous evening at JOY. We stared at each other during dinner. We shared our dinner: him the coconut curry, me the panang curry with crispy noodles. We chit chatted. We flirted. I acted coy. He touched my hand. We smiled at each other constantly.

We left dinner to go find a more comfortable place to sit. We went to the CARIBOU COFFEE (3300 N. Broadway) shop across the street (also known as the GAYBOU, or CARIBOY COFFEE). It’s a very cruisy warm little shop with nice seats and a fireplace—but tonight it was standing room only. So we stood outside and thought about another place to go to and chill. We were standing really close together. Face to face. He was smiling at me. And I told him, "Come on, let’s do it." He grabbed me by my jacket collar and pulled me closer and kissed me. “Mmmm. That feels good.” I was thinking to myself. But then my thoughts started to change. I stopped kissing him.

‘What was that?” I asked.
“What was what?” He responded.
I told him I felt something hard in my mouth when he was kissing me. He stuck his tongue out and dangling in the middle was a big silver bar. He had a tongue piercing. Gross.

“Man, don’t you think you ought to give a kat some warning?” I said teasingly. The thought of that piece of metal in my mouth bothered me more than I let on. But I moved on.

We ended up at ROSCOES. (3356 N. Halsted), a popular white bar with a dance floor (and a beer garden) and a fireplace with a nice loveseat. Before getting to ROSCOES to you have to walk past COCKTAIL (3359 N. Halsted) a predominately white gay watering hole, which is across the street. COCKTAIL has a huge window—aka a fishbowl—that allows its patrons to sit on stools and gawk and people watch the gay boys that cruise Halsted Street. To my surprise there was a row of black men sitting in the window, and as BLACKMAN and I walked by, all six of their heads turned and followed our movement. I could hear them through the glass oggling, oooing. and ahhhing. I thought to myself, either BLACKMAN is superfine, or we look hot together. And a nice warm feeling flowed through my body.

It was game show Wednesday at ROSCOES, and a bunch of drag queens where playing Win Lose or Draw in front of a large crowd on the dance floor. While everyone was peeping the drag queens, BLACKMAN and I were tucked away in a corner alternating between making out, holding hands, feeling each other up and talking. He made a point of telling me he was well endowed, and he grabbed my hand and put it on his hard crotch. It felt like he put my hand on a long thick tree branch concealed in his pants.

Once the gameshow was over, the dance floor opened up and he and I danced to Janet Jackson's new dance single, All 4 U. Like all black gay men, he is a BIG Janet fan. On the dance floor our lips met often, and we couldn’t keep our hands off one another. We couldn’t stop smiling. Our dance evening ended when the club announced final call. The song was Amber's “Flying Above the Clouds.” The singer in the song says, "We're flying above the clouds...I can see happiness from here." The song capped a delightful evening.

I walked BLACKMAN to his bus stop. When his bus came, he gave me three kisses good bye, and told me to get ready for our Saturday date that we agreed on earlier. When the bus started pulling away, I held my hand up and mouthed “bye.” He pressed his hand against the bus window next to his seat and smiled as the bus pulled away.