Don't Count My Teeth

They brought me here in chains.
They brought you here willing slaves to man.
You, shiploads of women each filled with hope
that she might win with ruby lip and saucy curl
and bright and flashing eye
him to wife who had the largest tender.
Remember?
And they sold you here even as they sold me.
My sisters, there is no room for mockery.
If they counted my teeth
they did appraise your thigh
and sold you to the highest bidder
the same as I.
--Beah Richards
"A Black Woman Speaks"

The following is my response to yesterday's letter from FWG claiming that there was a Chocolate Shortage in Chicago:

Dear Forty-something White Guy,

I want to thank you for taking the time to visit my website and for your compliment. Please allow me to respond to a few of your points.

First, let me make it clear that I have no problem with interracial dating or interracial sexual rendez-vous. Neither do I have a problem with a white man finding black men attractive. Frankly, it's none of my business. While I no longer find white/black interracial dating conducive to my current lifestyle--I respect and celebrate people's right and choice to enter interracial relationships. I truly believe that you don't always "choose" who you fall in love with. I also recognize that I wouldn't exist if it weren't for miscegenation--as the vast majority of the African-American population in the US is not African, but mixed race--a fact often lost in contemporary discussions on race.

In addition, while I don't currently choose to date/have sex with white men, there was a time in my youth when race didn't matter to me in partner selection. I have fucked white men, and even loved a white man. But I know that in my current life, I need to be with someone who understands me in cultural ways that a white man in today's society cannot.

So understand, that just because a white guy has interest (relationship, sexual, etc) in a black guy, doesn't make him an offensive Chocolate Chaser. No, a Chocolate Chaser is on a HUNT. He actively seeks black guys. He is only interested in black guys. And he will break his damn neck tripping over himself to get to a black guy. A Chocolate Chaser is a guy who--after I politely tell him I am not interested--insists that his white ass or white mouth is the best; or ignores me and proceeds with agenda telling me, "I just want to be used by a room full of black guys at your party."

But its not really about sex. Chocolate Chasers aren't offensive because they treat black men like sexual objects. Some of the biggest CCs aren't on a fuck spree--they want relationships. Like you, FWG, they are on a search to put some brutha on lockdown (prison pun not intended). But that's equally offensive. Because while they are not treating us as sex toys (necessarily) they are still exoticizing and objectifying us,. The Chocolate Chaser doesn't see black men as individuals. He sees us as objects.

I hear a lot of guys that they don't exoticize black men, "It's just a preference!" No, that's just an excuse. I think that any man--regardless of race--who chooses to date solely outside of his race has deep psychological issues dealing with a lack of self-love and self-respect. I make this statement without regard to race; it is true for a white man, and holds true for a brotha as well. It is not just a preference if you prefer another race over your own (or don't find your own race attractive/dateable), there's a problem.

Let's assume that every statistic that you mentioned in your letter was correct (despite the fact that population is never evenly distributed by age, or that black men are scattered across residentially race segregated Chicago that white guys that exclusively date/seek black men offends me. In many ways I despise chocolate chasers for the very "demographic" analysis that you sent me. After your analysis, you stated, "If you're a gay white guy living in Chicago looking for a hookup or relationship with a black guy, the numbers say that you should seize every opportunity." While you're at it FWG, why don't you open my mouth and count my teeth? As a black man, I am not some commodity subject to your demographic/supply-side economic analysis as you look for the optimal product guy. Black men have been kept, culled and picked over by white men since slavery. And you are carrying on the tradition, albeit with different repercussions.

I find your analysis offensive--even though I know it didn't come from a mean place. But that's what adds the insult to the injury. You thought that it was perfectly acceptable send me a letter that offered an economic consumer based rationale to interracial dating. But did you ever discuss love? Did you ever discuss interest in a person? No, because you are too obsessed with the forest to focus on the tree.

I question whether you seek the love of a good man, or whether you are just bsessed with the opportunity of being with a black man. Maybe if you loved yourself, you wouldn't feel compelled to enumerate your chances of being with a black man, because you would have more options amongst the people that comprise your own cultural awareness and upbringing.

So I don't really feel sorry for you as you are on your hunt for the black mandingo in the 270 square mile concrete jungle that is Chicago. Because ultimately you're not looking for a singlular black man, who is an individual. You're looking for a thing; a black ass dark and shiny mirror that only reflects the image of some fantasy you've conjured in your mind.

Bernard Bradshaw